Exploring Counselling:Why is empathy more effective then sympathy in helping others?

 The Foundations of Person-Centred Counselling

The purpose of counselling to assist others, why is empathy more beneficial then sympathy and what lessons can we learn from that?

The foundation of counselling is to help us become more effective in our communications, so we are able to build stronger and more balanced relationships not only with ourselves but with others also. Everyone one of us are on our own individual journey with the intention of working away from the things that no longer serve us and moving towards what we feel is right for us.

Problems and confusion start to occur in our lives when we begin to occur hurdles, these may be caused by a decision we had made previously but no longer feels that it is the right choice or it may be that someone who is close to us may not share our same view point which can undoubtedly cause conflict and disharmony. However this is what makes life so interesting, as human beings we are not designed to all think the same, we will all have our own individual views and opinions which does not make us more superior than anyone else, there is no right or wrong just a different point of view and it is therefore essential for this reason that we respect everyone equally and try to understand their choices as we hope they will understand ours.

It may be that one of the reasons that we can become unstuck is that we are so focused on the end goal and getting to where we want to be that we forget about the present moment which either leads to us getting side tracked or we neglect the feelings of others which can cause strife in our personal relationships as subsequently they become compromised due to us not being able to see the bigger picture and as a result our relationships begin to suffer. Prior to this point it is therefore an essential aspect to understand and one that is easy to overlook is that the quality of our lives will be determined by the quality of our relationships and how we relate to others .It is therefore common practice for a client to contact a counsellor for help when they have reached a crisis point not only in their own life but with loved ones also.

As human beings we are made of flesh and blood and are emotional souls who need to have love and support in our lives,  we are not build to be alone . There is always an alternative point of view or another path that you possibly had not considered, the counsellor’s role is not to show you the correct path to take but help to guide you towards the correct conclusion for you.

So where does empathy and sympathy relate to this and the decisions to be made? Empathy should not be confused with sympathy. Sympathy is what we show to children when they fall and hurt themselves or to adults who are going through some kind of grieving process. As we grow and mature into adults however to show sympathy towards another when actually they would benefit more from empathy may perhaps not be the right choice for them and can in fact hold that person back from achieving their full potential .

In a counselling role empathy is so much more beneficial to the client’s needs  as it is more focused on being able to see the situation from their point of view which leads to being able to re position them, therefore giving them an added strength and focus to move forward with their lives. Another way to consider it is sympathy is linked to the heart and is a feeling you share with another person whilst empathy is linked to the head and is the ability to understand the emotions of another person
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The role of a counsellor is therefore not to identify the next steps a client needs to take on their journey but too simply have the insight and understanding too be able to look at the world through their eyes and too interpret life the way they do which offers a completely different perspective to our own view point. This teaches us a very important life lesson; we may not have experienced what somebody else has, but if we are able to offer them our ears and eyes so we can try to experience life from their perspective whilst empathically relating to them, it not only  strengthens our own relationships but just as importantly helps them to feel heard and understood so they can then have the incentive to move on with their future lives having gained the necessary confidence to help them choose the right path to follow to achieve their own personal ambitions and goals.

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