What is CBT and how does it have an impact on the way we think and behave towards our self and others?

What is CBT and how does it have an impact on the way we think and behave towards our self and others?

CBT otherwise known as Cognitive behavioural therapy is a social intervention which aims to help us better understand our behaviour and reactions simply by examining and paying closer attention to our thought processes.

By focusing on our thoughts, beliefs and attitudes we are then able to make the necessary changes to how we feel about certain situations and hence make the necessary changes if needed to how we choose to react to them.

As individual human beings we all interpret our experiences in life differently, however we all assign meaning onto all things all of the time. We are always aware of the choices we make but not always aware of the choices available to us. Most people are unaware why they react or respond to situations the way they do as often it is an unconscious process. All of these things will combine towards our sense of self-worth which we will then relay through our attitude, actions, behaviour and temperament not only towards ourselves but towards others also.

All external behaviour stems from an internal cognitive process, what goes in determines what comes out, if we want to change how we behave we have to understand our thinking process, people will act out of accordance for who they believe they are and they will then feel justified to behave a certain way.

CBT focuses on the bigger picture, it looks to make a connection between our daily experiences and how we then go onto feel as a result. It begins with an event or a stimuli, which we then have a thought about or we perceive cognitively, which then triggers an emotional reaction or response, which then has a consequence and we experience a certain outcome from that which we then go onto have more thoughts about and hence the cycle continues.

When we become more aware of our thoughts and the consequential outcomes we become masters of our own destiny. The purpose of CBT is too help us grow in self-knowledge and self-awareness, bringing into our conscious awareness how it is that our thoughts impacts our emotions, reactions and responses and how those emotional responses can then trigger various behaviours within ourselves

Thoughts are not facts we do not need to action every one, you have the option to not react to your thoughts, by feeling that you are not in control of the way you think or too blame others for feeling the way you do is not a particularly healthy attitude to have as you are not taking responsibility for yourself which is in itself extremely disempowering to you as an individual.

People arrive at conclusions only through past experiences which we then base our self-worth on. Factors leading to reasons why we have the thoughts we do and hence reactions include important factors such as performance accomplishments in your work, do you view yourself as a confident person with high self-worth due to a successful career or the way you are easily able to connect with others, or perform certain tasks?

Perhaps through past experiences such as your memories of your childhood ?A happy or unsettled childhood gives us our foundation in life and has a huge impact on our confidence as we grow and what we feel we are able to achieve. Various groups we have been a part of gangs, clubs, religious groups etc. can all directly influence our thinking and the choices we therefore go onto make.

There are so many factors at play, how often have you made an assumption or judgement about someone based solely on your own beliefs and past experiences? This happened to me during recent demonstrations I happened to mention something which although by my own admission could have been rephrased in a different way was taken completely out of context and because the people involved chose to act based solely on their feelings with no actual thought process as to understanding the facts correctly led to inevitable conflict which could have been easily avoided.

Feelings are part of a process they come and go, if we focus on negative emotions then that is what we will feel and these feelings will then in turn be reflected back to us, if we have a positive attitude then we automatically attract back positive energy. Therefore how we choose to feel will be based solely on what we choose to focus on. Although it is impossible for us to control every thought that enters our mind it is our choice how we choose to respond to it, if we want change we have to take responsibility for the choice we are making and understand that people are not always reacting in the way they are because of the reasons we think.

It is very easy to form automatic judgements and opinions about others and choose to react to them in a certain way with no thought as to the consequences but is that really a fair and mature attitude to have and what does that say about you as a person and how you feel about yourself? It is interesting to note that our behaviour towards others is often a self-reflection of how we feel about ourselves.

For example if you witness angry or destructive behaviour that can often stem from previous experiences, a fear of not being accepted, believed or someone who is not feeling confident within themselves and who suffers from low self-esteem and can only receive validation through lashing out at others.

I am certainly no saint and I will never pretend to be one, but through increasing self-awareness, personal reflection and extensive self-exploration over the past 30 years it has becoming very evident to me that those who are happy, grounded and settled within themselves are able to control their emotions and thus show only understanding tolerance and love towards themselves and others.

If we believe we are not in control of the way we think and therefore behave as adults perhaps it can be helpful to add a pause button to our way of thinking. The next time you are motivated to act in a negative way to yourself or others ask yourself these simple questions ‘how do I know this is really true’? ‘What will it really achieve by acting this way?’ If your answer is too simply make yourself feel better then perhaps it may be helpful to explore how connected within yourself you are currently feeling.

We are only victims to our thoughts and actions if we believe ourselves to be, ultimately the power and will for change lies within us and we have to own that and take responsibility before change can occur. Once we are able to become more aware and reflect upon our own behaviour we are able to become fully congruent. By understanding that we are able to control our emotions as opposed to letting our emotions control us, we are then in complete control of our lives which in turn will ultimately mean we are able to take a different and much more positive direction moving forwards towards the life we want to live as opposed the one we feel we need to live.
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