How to become fully aware of and learn to heal the inner child

 

How to become fully aware of and learn to heal the inner child

Throughout my professional life I have been asked frequently what is the inner child and how can I learn to connect to him/her? Everyone one of us has an inner child, it is the voice within yourself, an expression of not just how you feel within yourself but everything you have learned and seen throughout your life. It is the childlike aspect that lives within your unconscious mind, If your self-esteem is healthy it is likely that you feel fully connected within your body, spirit and mind but if there has been trauma present in your life that is unresolved it may be that the relationship you have with your inner child could be fragmented so how does this happen and how can you learn to heal from the inside out?

The relationship we have with our inner child starts from the time we are born, if we are lucky we are born into a family where we are nurtured, loved and accepted for who we are. However sadly this is not always the case, it can be that our care givers and role models we turn too combined with our life experiences can result in us having unrealistic expectations placed upon us by adults who want to control the way we feel or act so we can realise their expectations of us or perhaps we experience a violent childhood so we become anxious and afraid. Although we never lose contact with our inner child the relationship with our sense of self can become fragmented and damaged as a result leading to a lack of self-love and trust and a sense of disconnection from who we are within ourselves which only monopolises as we get older.

As a young child if you are brought up in a very strict household you naturally learn to conform to what others expect of you, but as we get older and become teenagers we may begin to naturally rebel from being forced to deny our alignment which can result in what is seen as unruly behaviour. If we have experienced an unstable childhood or a very controlling one where we have not being able to express an opinion or a voice of our own, unconsciously we may feel that others will not accept us for who we are and so in order to express ourselves it is not uncommon to develop an alter ego . This may involve taking drugs, excessive drinking, having multiple sexual partners and generally acting out in a desperate cry for help. We may also just shut down and disconnect completely from our emotions in a desperate attempt to prevent feeling pain and abandonment.

Of course this can easily be misinterpreted by the care givers as being a problem child but actually what is happening is the child is developing these destructive patterns of behaviour out of a sense of pain for not being accepted for who they truly are. As an adult these patterns can escalate and if the inner child relationship is still fragmented due to our lack of self-esteem it may result in us deliberately choosing partners who are emotionally unavailable as we believe that we are not worthy of love or afraid that we will never be truly accepted for who we are.

It may be that we then sabotage relationships as we crave the security of feeling loved and cared for and yet we are afraid of getting hurt and rejection hence we create problems and issues within the relationship, we may blame our partner for things which are completely unrelated to them but which have triggered a reaction in us and caused us to feel unsafe in some way hence we project that fear onto the partner and feel they must be the reason for us feeling this way. Any time we experience pain through the words or actions of another or through our own feelings of insecurity that emotion becomes frozen within us which then manifests itself as trauma and stops us moving forward until we are able to recognise and repair the damage for ourselves through self-healing or development.

So what are some signs you may have a wounded inner child? Do you feel an excessive need to please others at all costs? Do you hold onto things that you no longer need or use, do you find it difficult forming close relationships or friendships for fear of judgement or rejection? Do you get angry easily or are you often triggered? Do you suffer from low self-esteem or addictions which you feel are out of your control? Are you very withdrawn or suffer from Anxiety or other mental illness? These are all common signs that you may have a fragmented relationship with your own inner child which would benefit from healing.

Healing your inner child can take time but there are a number of ways in which you can do, including only choosing to engage with those who unconditionally love and accept you. Affirminations and meditation can be very beneficial try ‘I am safe, all is well in my world’ or one that personally resonates with you. Ask your inner child what you need at that time and do not deprive yourself for fear of what others will think, do the things you enjoyed as a child; laugh loudly, be silly, watch cartoons, play with your own children and finally check in with yourself every day by simply asking ‘how am I feeling today’ and acknowledge and respect the answer knowing that emotions come and go and if today is not your day that’s ok, because tomorrow is another day.  

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