Why do so many people struggle with prioritising self care and why can we be attracted to toxic partners?

 

Why do so many people struggle with prioritising self care and why can we be attracted to toxic partners?

We live in a society where unfortunately cultural upbringing and social conditioning have meant that putting our needs first and prioritising self care have been viewed as selfish or self indulgent and the most affected people are often parents or caregivers.

Let's take for example a new mum, the excitement of helping to bring a new life into the world is indeed an incredibly special time and for many women they flourish as motherhood brings with it a sense of fulfilment and happiness.

However, the reality of having a child can also be over whelming and exhausting for many women as suddenly your life is no longer your own and all your time and energy is monopolised by this tiny human who is completely reliant on you for their survival and fulfilling their every need.

As a result the parents needs are naturally no longer the priority and whilst this is inevitable in the early stages , as the children grow and become more independent they naturally become less reliant , but at this point the unconditional love and sense of responsibility , is so ingrained in the mother that they continue to put the needs of their children above their own which often continues into adulthood and the next generation.

The new role inevitably includes numerous factors that will have detrimental effects on the health and wellbeing of the parent, including sleepless nights, skipping meals, neglecting appearance and depriving themselves of something so the child does not go without. A sense of self conditioning occurs , which means other people's needs are now viewed to be more important than your own and they must be prioritised . Whilst many parents are happy to accept this form of self sacrifice for others it can lead to feelings of no longer knowing who they are resulting in a sense of self doubt , resentfulness or guilt.

Children are a blessing, but a sense of balance is required because by constantly minimizing and neglecting our own desires we send a clear message to our psyche that our needs are no longer important which ultimately affects our sense of identity and emotional wellbeing.

Why can we be attracted to toxic partners?

From Childhood we are taught to show respect towards our Parents, teachers and peers and whilst setting boundaries are important to ensure children grow to be respectful and well rounded individuals , as we become adults we will inevitably encounter life experiences and have relationships both professionally and personally that will have a huge impact on our emotional , mental and physical health.

It is very important to understand that although as adults we are capable of making our own decisions our conditioning and thought making processes are heavily influenced from our childhood and as a result our childhood experiences will hugely influence the relationships we have with both ourselves and others in the future.

It is also important to note that subconsciously we can be programmed to be attracted to partners that remind us of a parental figure because despite the relationship we shared with them the sense of familiarity helps us to feel safe and understood. It is also interesting to note that if for example a young girl growing up had a toxic relationship with a father figure she may be attracted to a partner with the same toxic traits in an attempt to heal the rift and discomfort she experienced in childhood and the same can be true with sons and their mothers.

This can sometimes explain why young people, particularly women can be constantly attracted to or seek attention from emotionally unavailable or toxic relationships and cannot understand why, they are subconsciously trying to heal a rift from childhood so their inner child can regain the love, acceptance and sense of validation that they craved but never experienced .

Sadly this desire for validation makes these vulnerable young adults an easy target and as a result they will encounter toxic behaviour from their chosen partner including ghosting, gas lighting or mental or physical abuse which they will be led to believe they are responsible for, when in reality it is a desperate reaction from the toxic partner to heal unresolved pain and regain control from their own childhood due to a lack of internal healing .

#selflove #toxicrelationships #toxicbehaviour

#selfcare #takingcareofmyself

#selflove

Elizabeth Lock      Holistic Therapist 
www.yourcuddletherapy.co.uk   heal@yourcuddletherapy.co.ukwww.yourinnerglow.co.uk         heal@yourinnerglow.co.ukwww.yourtantrictouch.co.uk      heal@yourtantrictouch.co.uk