Why do men and women lose desire in sex and their partner?

 

Why do women lose desire in sex and their partner?

Women are predominantly much more emotional than men, and the common factors that are likely to have a huge impact are often hormonally, mentally, physically or ,emotionally based including the connection to the relationship and how loved ,appreciated and safe she feels within it.

Physical attraction is of course important but if a woman is looking for a long term partner as opposed to a casual lover which is generally the case particularly as she matures, what are some of the traits that may turn her off sexually?

Having a partner that she feels is distant, unkind, abusive or does not listen to what she is saying and she feels misunderstood.

Previous unresolved sexual trauma

A selfish or controlling partner , lack of foreplay or not enough of it! (Women need much longer then men to feel sexually ready)

Menopause - decreasing Estrogen levels can cause vaginal dryness making sex feel painful (without lubricant) or a reduced libido

Periods- libido is often fluctuating around this time as hormonal levels change rapidly.

Pregnancy -exhaustion during and Breast feeding or possible Post Natal depression afterwards. In addition to this caring for children and new borns in particular can completely deplete sexual arousal, especially if she feels unsupported with child care .

Poor hygiene- lack of personal care including body odour, dirty or unclipped nails, greasy hair, bad breath, unshaven(unless she prefers stubble or a beard) Excessive body hair .

Discussing or comparing your past relationship to her

Feeling forced or pressurised to perform sexual acts that she does not enjoy or finds painful , but feels she needs to do to give pleasure to her partner .

Feeling emotionally unconnected due to a lack of emotional intimacy , feeling un appreciated , taken for granted or unloved

Feeling sexually unattractive (due to numerous factors including weight gain)

Mental health concerns including Depression or Anxiety where mood and medication can affect arousal.

Physical health concerns or illness will take a toll on the body physically and emotionally lessening arousal and sex drive.

Why do men lose interest in sex or their partner?

Men are much more physical than women when it comes to attraction and it is often through physical intimacy that they may first connect, this of course depends on the individual man but generally physical attraction is essential to any man to promote desire.

So what are some reasons that a male partner may no longer feel attracted to his partner?

Infidelity or an affair which will not only destroy trust and hurt a man emotionally but also make him question his own ability to satisfy his partner.

A change in body shape such as excessive weight gain following pregnancy or an unhealthy lifestyle or poor dress sense.

His partner with holding sex or using it as a punishment following an argument or criticism of sexual performance or size of the lingam.

An unsupportive partner or one that is rude or does not support or encourage him with his goals and dreams or makes no effort with his family and friends or finding out about his interests.

Physical aging ,particularly if there is a significant age gap . It may not be a problem when younger but as a woman ages and if a man is easily distracted by a younger model, it can be a problem.

Flirting to make him jealous, playing games or pretending to be hard to get, or the other extreme , being too clingy

Complaining constantly or bad mouthing others

Lack of confidence, drive and ambition professionally and personally

Lack of intelligence, relying solely on appearance to get by in life (any intelligent man will soon bore of superficial behaviour)

Lying and dishonesty (it will create doubt in the relationship)

Poor hygiene or does not take pride in her appearance including , excessive hair, bad breath, unclean hair,chipped nails etc

Constantly talking above him without listening to his opinion

Nagging or constantly bringing up issues from the past including previous relationships

Children from a previous relationship is generally not a problem but can become one, if he feels all your energy is prioritised towards them making him feel un appreciated and not valued, particularly if the relationship he has with them is not harmonious.

Elizabeth Lock      Holistic Therapist 
www.yourcuddletherapy.co.uk   heal@yourcuddletherapy.co.ukwww.yourinnerglow.co.uk         heal@yourinnerglow.co.ukwww.yourtantrictouch.co.uk      heal@yourtantrictouch.co.uk