The difference types of relationship and the relevance that they play in our lives today
The difference types of relationship and the relevance that they play in our lives today
Throughout my life I’ve always been a romantic and I always dreamed like many others of having my very own happy ever after which I have no doubt is still to come with my chosen partner. Throughout my own self develpoment work and studies with tantra I have been fascinated by the people I have met and the experiences I have had. I have since learned to become a lot more open minded about relationships and sexuality, but the greatest lesson I learned was to not look for your own happiness to be fulfilled by others as the only way to fill that void of loneliness within is too fall in love with yourself.
This may sound like a cliché but it’s absolutely true, I wasted so many years trying to discover who I was and looking for validation through the relationships I had and as a result at times it was a rocky path, but one that served me well as a learning curve and it was actually through the experiences I had that I was able to develop a very close connection to myself and become completely aware of what I did and did not want for my own life.
One of the most important lessons I learnt was that to attract the love you desire first of all you need to feel that love within yourself because it is only when you are able to really feel that love within that you can then emotionally vibrate in such a way that you start to attract the right people to you. Previously due to trauma and a lack of self-love I would often attract and be attracted to emotionally unavailable partners and toxic friendships because I had not done the necessary internal work.
After many years of soul searching and doing the very work needed the friendships I am honoured to share now are with the most beautiful souls, with people who love and accept me unconditionally as I do them because I believe the friendships and relationships you choose are a reflection of how you feel about yourself.
All the experiences you encounter no matter how painful at the time I believe are there to help you grow and become more honest with yourself as to who you are and what is really important to you, as I write this I happily embrace currently being single because in making that choice I was able to do the necessary healing work to become completely clear on discovering what my own needs were instead of only focussing on others.
Previously when I envisioned finding that love I would feel only fear and constrictions and now I feel excitement and anticipation as to what the future holds and yet even at the age of 49 I no longer feel the pressure to settle down as I did when I was younger as I have learned the value of its more important to wait for the right person then settle with the wrong one just to be in a relationship.
Delving into your own sexuality and others preferences is indeed incredibly fascinating but also very complex. An initial reaction by some may be too make judgements of the way others choose to live their lives if it does not resonate or seem accepting to them but in this modern world we are living in this attitude is not only very outdated but completely unacceptable as unless we are living that person’s life how can we possibly form a fair and just opinion and what right do we have to do that?
So what did I discover through my own life experiences and through talking to others about love and sexuality?
There are so many people that I have met through my life and work who suppress their desires through fear of judgement from others and yet sexual choices at a specific time in somebodies life does not always reflect that persons sexual orientation, sometimes it is necessary to have experiences so you can discover your own sexual preferences which may not always seem immediately apparent.
For example the sexual orientation of a person can differ hugely from their romantic choice of a long term partner. For example a straight man may wish to explore his sexuality with a person of the same sex and then may choose to settle down with someone of the opposite sex. He may identify himself as straight and yet have bisexual tendencies he feels he needs to explore at that time.
A woman may identify herself as straight and yet be attracted to someone of the same sex, this may be because she wishes to assume an identity of being a straight woman and envisions settling down with a member of the opposite sex and yet the attraction remains causing frustrations and often confusion.
If we delve even deeper than the initial identities of straight, gay or bi sexual we discover the differences between monogamy, being in open relationships and polyamory. Monogamy is making the choice to be with just one other and yet although this seems the most widely accepted choice it is not for everyone. Everybody has the ability to be monogamous but sometimes this may lead to that person feeling sexually unfulfilled or suppressing who they really are for fear of causing upset to others.
Some people may prefer the variation of having an open relationship with more than one partner and then taking this a step deeper this may lead to having a polyamorous relationship with the full knowledge and consent of a current partner which is so much deeper as love and commitment is often involved.
In whatever sexual preferences or choices we make what remains constant is the knowledge of the fundamental difference between lust and love and how we relate to them. They are both ways in which we are able to connect and yet so very different. Lust is purely physical, a chemical reaction that is self-serving and yet very important to help maintain passion in a relationship, lust only becomes destructive if love is not present.
Love however is very different, it is deep and meaningful, creative and infinite. Love is connected to the soul hence it is felt so much more deeply than lust and its effects are much longer lasting as a result.
Ideally in any relationship if we are searching for something meaningful then there should be the combination of both lust and love but regardless of this and whichever partner you choose what remains unchanged is the realization that the greatest love you will ever find will never be in another, if you are looking to fill that void look within instead of too others as you cannot rush love or make it come before you are ready and fully know yourself and this is the most important lesson I ever learned....
Photo by Marcelo Chagas from Pexels
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